life life oh me!

Suddenly, i feel like everything is going to fall again..AGAIN. Doshite? I'll tell you why.

I feel like nobody understands me...nobody truly understands me. It's hard to find someone not even a friend who could be truly understanding of me. I feel lonely all the time, on the surface I act all tough and cool. But on the inside, it speaks everything. I am lonely. I want to find someone who truly understands my own feelings, how I feel towards everything. Like a soul mate.

It's so unfortunate to say this, but not even my own mother could really understand my feelings whenever she says those things to me. It's like she can't get through my head and just happily blurt it out. GOSH!!!

Life is so cruel, ne? Sometimes I do think that I'm like a spoilt brat. Being spoilt there's nothing wrong about it, just don't overdoing it!

Unfortunate..

OMG! Something has just happened today. Guess what? I found this to be appalling.
My lil bro's friend lied to him that it's holiday for some reason ( I don't even know why) This friend of my brother has been lying to his parents a LOT OF TIMES (tisk tisk tisk) and he did something which is really bad truanting school. Apparently, his mother have no knowledge that his son ever did this until today. For those who are reading this, truanting and lying to parents about u are 'going to school' and instead going to cyber cafe, is how ppl became a criminals. That scares me every bit, not dramatically but sometimes I do that, But this is REALITY.

I was freaking emotinally mad when this happens. To tell every reader here, the truth is I never liked one bit of his friend in the first time. My guts tells me his something 'odd' which until today reveals that.

I say, my parents will do SOMETHING about that. To the mother's son I say GOODLUCK! You totally deserve it. Tisk tisk tisk lying is BAD.

OUR DREAM CAFE

MY DREAM CAFE

SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

WELL, LET MY CREATIVE MINDS DOES IT JOB!!!!

Currently, this is what Fatin, Jannah and I plan to open up someday INSYA-ALLAH our dreams will come true.

One of my best friends who truly understands me deeply. I love you guys so much darlings!

How to Heal a Broken Heart - Find a New Love of Your Life You!

How to Heal a Broken Heart - Find a New Love of Your Life You!

I suggest anyone who experienced a broken heart onces or many times, this is definitely useful for you!

Rejection does hurts. It hurts me like hell

I had wrote this weeks ago before I start being active blogging.

This is something I just have to post regarding about my life. I do hope you guys feel the same or some sort of nice feedback from anyone. ^^




I feel like my whole life has ended...Feeli like I lost a part of me, a part of my dignity and a part of my confidence.
I want to break down on the world...and cry and I feel like just dying..
No matter what I did, I try to keep up my confidence and my dignity and feeling very open about a new door.
I know it’s hard to deal with this kind of rejection.
I never knew it’s that hard but i acknowledge that anyone can get rejected no matter who they are and I did get one.
Gosh, I feel it threatens my self-confidence, my self-worth, my self-pride, my pride, my honour, my self and my life.
Thanks for nothing!!!! You’ve just missed someone who truly wants to love you. From what I heard she already has a boyfriend, why did u ever want to couple up with her??!!!! Arghh that’s something I don’t understand until today until now! That’s something I’m angry and pissed about! That is something which makes me feel very frustrated about you!!!!
BOOM!!! GO TO HELL!!!!!
I know you want me!!! Just be honest with me!!! Whether you ever had the same feeling even the slightest bit of feelings towards me!!! Just be honest with me already!!!
I know I don’t want to sound like a desperate girl but somewhere deep inside my heart something tells me that you do have certain bit of feelings towards me of like or love or affection..it can’t be because i’m sick, desperate or paranoid..but i can’t help feeling this way!!!
I wish this feelings were true, coz if it is then I would be with you and not you being with her.
You were meant to be with me. I gave you something that you wanted, my intention were that.
I’m not a loser when I didn’t get you or when I was too late.
But, my heart was broken into pieces because I’ve loved you for so long. It’s scary to have this feelings of love and affection without me realizing or recognising it myself. All of those bullshit love story and drama makes me feel bad and sad about you, moreover about these. I am truly sad by the fact you rejected me but I openly accept it without fear. This is the reality. This is my reality. Move on now.
SAYONARA I don’t need you and you never needed me anyway. I’m going to find someone better who wants me, who will accept me for who I am without changing a bit about me, who is grateful and blessed to receive love from me because that’s what he wanted and someone who will treat me better that you ever did Syahrul, I can bet on you for that.
Somehow, deeply I want to show you that I can get a better guy to love me. You’ll just wait and see, i’ll be kicking your butt!!!!
Rejection does hurt, that’s the first lesson I’ve learnt as a senior in university. I don’t have a boyfriend. I have pride in not having one. I know what priorities in my life are. I choose to be in a relationship where it will lead me to marriage instead of taking boy friend to as changing your wardrobe.
I got rejected by a guy friend, who I happened not to be close with but I see him everyday in my class. He’s just a normal guy friend, who I often just say ‘Hi!’ or some chats with him but we don’t hang out or anything.
I developed feelings towards him liking him more and more as the semesters continues. Unfortunate ly, I couldn’t even recognize I was even liking him until I actually spoke and told about this to my good friend. She said, I finally admitted I ACTUALLY LIKED HIM. But, I kept this feelings to myself and soon most of my friends kept teasing about him and I. They didn’t tell him that I like him. They were being very understanding and great. I thankful to have such great friends. The bad thing about liking him, the feelings was overwhelming and I was so into it that I felt nervous, scared and extremely shy whenever he was around or when I see him. Up to the point that my friend mentioned it really shows. The feelings gotten worst when it came to my last semester. I couldn’t bear holding it and keeping it to myself. It hurts so badly. I take with all my courage and guts, I confessed to him through text messages.
I pray to God to give me strength so that I can handle this rejection well and nicely. I ask Him to take this rejection as a opportunity to find a new door towards finding someone better who can treat me right. Plus, he loves me just the way I am.
Rejection is a blessing from God, its a chance for me to become a stronger person. I learn to think positive about this. At first, it takes a long time to realize that I was in so much pain. For the teens out there, rejection comes in many different forms, the key is to accept and acknowledge everyone and anyone can be rejected at some points in their lives. Stay open, be realistic, venture into some fun activities, never lose hope into gaining back the normal you, keep praying to God (He is always listening to you and only He can take away your pain) stay confident and put your pride and dignity high. For me, without encountering rejection in life, you will never grow as a stronger person. Take it positively as something that does happen to anyone no matter who you are, no matter what lives situation you experience. At first, it was kind of hard and difficult to accept this rejection, but after I gave myself time to really truly accept it, it open up my eyes, my heart and my world. It something everyone must go through. Let’s call it the real test from God. God wants to see how strong can you be as His humble servant as a human being. I cried painfully. The rejection stings my heart and soul. I did my best to bear it. You must be really really patient, and denying it hurts will only make it worse. So take your time and you will grow as a strong person in the end. One thing, I’ve learn from all these experiences especially the bad ones, you have 3 choices, first you either take it as it is your identity, second to weakened you or third to strengthened you. I chose the third one, rejection to strengthen me. It’s what inside out counts.

My first ever REAL TRUE POST^^ Banzai! Banzai!

I went on a class trip (actually there was actually half of us, kinda sad but its understandable) I put a picture of us before we went to a waterfall somewhere in Perak. I had an amazing and great time! I'm sure going to miss them. ^^ I love all of u.

I wrote something regarding my overall experiences being a senior for Diploma in TESL sem 5B. Enjoy and please share with me your similar experiences. I do love to hear about that.


Last Semester as a Senior
I took a finally breathe as I came down from the bus onto a familiar surface ground, UNISE also, known as Universiti Selangor. I carry my heavy luggage all the way down from PKP ( a small hall near our cafe) all the way to the boys hostel area. It was awkward as this is my first time walking in a boys ‘territory’. I convinced myself, just tolerate and do your own thing. I paced up steps into a girls area block D. It was quite and so new to me. Then, my classmate Nini Pattana came down and greeted me. She also mentioned this block will be her staying this semester. Phew! Boy I was relieved. I thought I was the only one. Looks like they’re will be plenty more to come.
I walked up to my house which is first floor second house. My parents helped me to carry all of my stuff and things. The house was as usual dusty and in need of a lot of cleaning! Something which I had always been good at! I was the first one to arrive there. Then, comes the difficult part I had to say goodbye to by family. A parting from my family is a good thing for me. It’s a chance for me to grow and be independent both inside and outside. Moreover, those times I realized how I appreciate my family even more. There’s more pro’s than con’s towards living far away from your family. Thinking about practicum, I’m going to live all by myself, there’s no guardsman no security, basically it’s like living by your self. I know that because I’m actually writing this while waiting to go to practicum. It’s already 13th of March. And mine will be on 3rd May. A few more days left before I will venture into teaching practicum. I found out, it was basically hard and difficult in terms of keeping motivated and strong, I needed to have that certain endurance to keep up with this semester subjects. Before, this I had a lot of negativity towards getting bad grades for my last semester. I realized during the process of bringing myself up, God wants to test you; moreover, life is not a smooth sailing. We need to be reminded that sometimes we can’t always go up and up but sometimes we have to venture into going down. That’s where you have to learn to handle it, keep growing, reflecting on yourself and learn from your mistakes. I did went through all of that. It hurts me like hell. It doesn’t traumatize me but next time when I do fall down, I now learn how to let go of that bitter feelings and slowly get back to motivation; ready to face the world again. My parents were my biggest supporter and still do. They accepted my results and as I was expected it was a parenting thing job to do. I was happy that they took it well. I thought I was going to die.
I thought I went through all classes smoothly. Even though they were some flinches and annoyances at the start but I managed to come through swept clean and nice. I had a lot of pressure between those times. Those pressures were from parents, classmates, lectures and from my own friends. Yeah, it was all about learning to handle them was the challenge to me. I didn’t know how strong I was at that time. Mind you, it is my final semester, I had to give my all for it. I felt to myself, I could do better for the next day and the day after that. I went full steamed a head not caring in the world about the bad feeling that kept coming sometimes when it had too! Pulling off with my test, assignments and teaching presentation with studying and boy, I was pretty tired at the end of each day.
It was the hardest days of my entire life, when I had to say goodbye for the longest time ever, I might be seeing them or I might not be seeing them. One of my weaknesses are probably aparting from my friends whom had been with me since we all met. We went through everything together. Now, we were all going to miss each other so badly. Besides that, I have now considered them as my best friends. I cried uncontrollably three times when the days are drawing near and nearer to our going apart. It was pretty sad. When I say sad, I mean truly really sad. You should had seen the look on my face when I cried. It was horrendous. On the contrary, I didn’t want to shed a single tear in front of my friends. I’m a type that doesn’t cry in front of others that easily. I decided to carve all of my wonderful joyful good memories I had with my best friends in my heart forever and ever. Now, when I look back, it has become one of my sources of joy. I COULD NEVER CRY ABOUT THAT. They are truly one of my great friends and one of my great study-buds! I’m happy to have them in my life. I am thankful to God, for allowing me to meet and becoming good friends with them.